i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
not ubering you a puppy
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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