This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
