so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
