There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
