New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
