i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
