i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
