Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
