We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
