I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
