Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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