His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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