i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize