We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize