six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
