Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
