I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
