also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
