Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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