Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
