I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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