I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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