i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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