Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I deserve this hangover.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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