you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
