Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
