I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
