She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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