she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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