what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I should be sponsored by Trojan
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
