so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
