I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
