bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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