I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The power of my boobs compel you
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
