i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
