So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
