I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i think i have two assholes
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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