then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
