She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
