I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
