Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
