I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
