I just threw up on my dentist
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
