god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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