I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
