Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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