I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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