3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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