I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
