It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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