Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
