i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
