He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
