I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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