did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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