Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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