all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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