who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
time to smoke my breakfast
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
