Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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