dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
