After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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