When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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