were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
